socasupport

A LOUD Fence for Justice and Support

jluscombe72@gmail.com (Jarrod Luscombe) — Wed, 02 Jul 2025 02:27:13 GMT

LOUD FENCE: Tying Ribbons, Demanding Justice

On Thursday 3rd July at 10am , survivors and supporters will stand shoulder to shoulder on the steps of Parliament House, Perth , tying colourful ribbons to the fence.

But don’t let the colour fool you.

These ribbons aren’t decorations — they are cries for justice. They represent the children who were abused in silence, the lives destroyed, the families broken, and the survivors still fighting to be heard. This is LOUD FENCE — and we’re not going away.

Why Are We Doing This?

Because our leaders are ignoring the solutions sitting right in front of them.

WA’s bipartisan parliamentary inquiry into options for institutional child abuse victims handed down solid, survivor-supported recommendations. Yet little has been actioned.

Instead, the WA Government has buried it — just like the evidence so many institutions conveniently “lost” when abuse was reported.

And now, with the High Court’s disgraceful decision in Bird v DP , religious institutions like the Catholic Church can avoid accountability by arguing that priests aren’t employees. Survivors who were raped as children are now being told their abusers’ employers have no legal responsibility.

Let that sink in.

This Isn’t Just About the Past — It’s About Our Future

Childhood abuse is the root cause of so much pain in our society. It fuels:

Mental illness
Substance abuse
Suicide
Incarceration
Family violence
Homelessness

When we fail to support survivors, we pay the price over and over — emotionally, socially, and economically.

The 2015 Pegasus report estimated that active, early intervention in child abuse could save Australia $24 billion . That was 10 years ago. The cost now? Astronomical.
The real question is: how much longer can we afford to ignore it?

What Needs to Happen — NOW

We’re calling on Premier Roger Cook and the WA Government to:

Implement the WA inquiry recommendations immediately
Legislate retrospective vicarious liability so institutions are held accountable
Fund and provide proper, trauma-informed support for survivors — now, not in six months

Premier Cook said he’d meet with SOCA survivors. That promise is still unkept. Survivors continue to be ignored. Doors stay closed. Silence reigns.

But on Thursday 3rd July, 10am , we will be loud.

Your Voice Matters

Join us on the steps of Parliament House. Bring a ribbon. Bring your anger. Bring your love. Bring your voice.

Let’s show the government that survivors are not going away — and neither is the truth.

Justice isn’t negotiable. Childhood trauma isn’t a political inconvenience. It's a national emergency.

Be there. Stand up. Tie a ribbon.

Let’s make WA the state that finally gets it right.

Myths and Facts

Sun, 11 Jun 2023 05:54:37 GMT

If I’m a victim then I’ll be an abuser.

This is a very damaging misconception. Just because you were abused as a child, it does NOT mean you will become a perpetrator. The research backs this up. While some perpetrators were also victims, the majority were not. Remember, there are a lot more male victims of childhood abuse than perceived.

Many victims limit their interactions with their children or oth ers for fear they might be perceived as an abuser or fear that they will become an abuser. This only adds to their feelings of shame and guilt and yet, it is simply not true.

What if I am gay because I was sexually abused

There is not enough evidence to prove that a person’s action can change your sexual orientation. It is, however, common for victims of child sexual abuse to express confusion about their sexuality.

Sexual orientation can be very complex and even more complex when you are a victim of childhood abuse. It is another form of injustice that a perpetrator takes always a person’s natural ability to discover their own sexuality in their own time.

All abusers are male

Wrong! Many boys have been prematurely coerced, manipulated, exploited or forced into sexual acts with women. Remember, it’s not the sexual act that needs to be highlighted here but the position of power a person has on a boy. The royal commission into institutional abuse identified that 10% of abusers were women.

There can be confusion that any sexual act from a woman to a boy could only be a positive for their masculinity. But that kind of manipulation from a woman in a position of power can actually cause a man to a have variety of emotional and psychological problems.

I got aroused, I must have liked it

You may have been aroused from the abuse or even liked the attention of the abuse at the time. This does not mean you liked being manipulated or abused, especially by someone that is proficient in the art of grooming and manipulating kids for their own pleasure.

Boys can respond to sexual stimulation with an erection or orgasm even if it is traumatic and painful. It does not mean you wanted to be manipulated or abused. This confusion of the trauma leads to overwhelming feelings of shame and guilt.

For some, they wanted to please their abusers, to have their attention. Many abusers prey on boys that do not have a positive male role model in their lives. So whatever attention, including sexual, might feel good to the boy at the time. But in reality, the boy was vulnerable to being manipulated and exploited.

My offender must have been gay

It is a myth that perpetrators are often gay men. Sexual orientation has nothing to do with your offender.

Research has shown that it is more about control and power over someone than sexual orientation.

In fact, the percentage of gay perpetrators is the same as the percentage of gay men in the general population.

Trauma and PTSD. What the hell is it and how does it affect adults of childhood abuse?

Sun, 11 Jun 2023 05:23:32 GMT

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder PTSD is a mental health condition that is triggered by a traumatic event. Signs and symptoms can follow immediately following the traumatic event or can lay dormant for years after.

Just because you experienced a traumatic event doesn’t mean you will have PTSD. Only 12% of Australians will experience PTSD. There are many factors that influence whether a person will go on to have PTSD following a traumatic event. However, sexually abused men in childhood are 10 times more likely to qualify for a diagnosis of PTSD in comparison to the general community.

Only a psychologist or psychiatrist can diagnose PTSD.

Some of the symptoms include

Intrusive memories and thoughts
Flashbacks of the event
Nightmares
Upsetting memories or feeling distressed when something reminds you of the event.
Avoidance behaviors
Avoid thinking or talking about the event or avoiding people, places or activities that remind you of the event.
Negative thoughts and mood.
Feelings of hopelessness, anger, guilt, shame.
Difficulty sleeping,
Easily startled,
Poor concentration,
Irritable or aggressive.
Engage in reckless or self-destructive behavior.
Suicidal or suicidal thoughts
Depression
Anxiety
Relationship difficulties
Sexual difficulties
Other mental health problems

With the right help, PTSD can be treated. Emphasis on the RIGHT help! There has been much debate on whether childhood abuse should have a further classification of ‘Complex’ trauma as it is very complex in nature in the way it can imprint its effects on a young person’s psyche especially as many child abuse victims do not (if ever) disclose the abuse until many years after the event and/or the young person’s brain’s ability to protect itself by repressing memories or dissociating. It can significantly impact on sense of self, safety and trust in adult life, especially if their perpetrator was a trusted caregiver or family member. For this reason, treatment should be done with a competent and trained therapist that specialises in childhood trauma.

Interesting fact

One of the most effective treatments for survivors of 9/11 was….. Yoga!!

Check out Beyond Blue for a PTSD symptom checklist HERE .

Alcohol and Substance Abuse

Sun, 11 Jun 2023 05:15:34 GMT

Many child abuse victims use alcohol and substance abuse to ‘numb’ the emotional pain of their abuse, often without knowing why they do it. After a while it becomes a habit and can become ingrained in who they are. Breaking that habit can feel like it is simply too hard with all of the other feelings and emotions you are dealing with including the pressures of life.

I know you don’t want to hear it. But alcohol and drugs are probably making your ability to deal with the trauma worse.

Interesting fact

The best regulator that managers your emotional stability is SLEEP and specifically REM (rapid eye movement) sleep. Studies have shown that alcohol and marijuana significantly impacts your REM sleep. It is why alcoholics suffer from DTs (delirium tremors) and why marijuana uses have the most vivid dreams after quitting. Your brain needs REM sleep!

Start by simply being mindful of what you are putting into your body. How it makes you feel? Is it making you better man? What excuses do you use to keep doing it?

Relationships. How do I trust again or let people in?

Sun, 11 Jun 2023 05:06:44 GMT

Relationships can be especially challenging for survivors of childhood abuse. As kids, we often had a great deal of trust in adults. Unfortunately, that trust is also used as a tactic by perpetrators to abuse, especially vulnerable children. It is no wonder many childhood abuse victims often struggle to have healthy and supportive relationships, push people away and often try and handle things on their own.

It is important to protect yourself from untrustworthy people. It is equally important to learn to open up and trust the good people too. Remember, It was not trusting someone that led to your abuse but the misuse of that trust.

How do I trust again or let people in?

Simply accepting and understanding why we push people away or avoid trusting is half the battle. Being mindful when we do it and taking steps to make changes. Learn to be vulnerable again to people you can trust.

It can be a difficult process to learn to trust again and it might take little extra professional help to do it.

Criminal, Civil or Redress?

Sun, 11 Jun 2023 04:11:41 GMT

With the welcomed changes to legislation following the Royal Commission into Institutional Abuse including removing the statute of limitations, being able to set aside prior ‘deeds of release’, formalising religious entities to litigate and the national redress scheme has empowered many survivors to actively seek justice. But seeking justice can also come at a cost and can be a complicated minefield of legal gobbledygook and convoluted court processes.

One of the reasons why childhood abuse has become such an epidemic is because of the lack of accountability and justice to the perpetrators. Mostly due to the length of time it takes victims to disclose the abuse with many victims never disclosing.

Let’s face it, who wants to be known as a childhood abuse victim and the perceived stigma that goes with it. So very few conversations are had about childhood abuse and consequently, very few perpetrators are brought to justice and they often continue to offend.

It takes strength and courage to bring a perpetrator to justice, it’s not for everyone though. The process of justice can be more traumatizing than the abuse. Our court system is flawed and the scales of justice often seem to favour the guilty. But it is the only system we have!

So, if we are to end this scourge on our children, then we need to bring these perpetrators to justice and have those hard conversations around the dinner table or having drinks with your mates.

Childhood abuse is NOT OK. 1 in 6 men were sexually abused as children..... It's more common than you think

Criminal

The lack of reporting of offenders enabled widespread and continued abuse within the Catholic and other institutions with many offenders never coming under the microscope of the Police.

It is highly recommended that every abuse should be reported to Police. Even if you do not want to bring the charge to court. The perpetrator should, at the very least, be listed as a ‘person of interest’. If you do nothing else, at least have the offender listed.

Criminal or Civil? It comes down to an important element called ‘Burden of Proof’. In Criminal proceedings, the burden of proof is on the prosecutor to prove ‘Beyond Reasonable Doubt’ for a guilty verdict. Whereas the Civil court relies on the burden of proof based on the ‘Balance of Probabilities’. The bar is much higher to prove things in a criminal court than a civil court.

Should you wish to proceed with criminal charges, then it will be the Police or the Department of Public Prosecutions that will do the prosecuting. If found guilty, sentencing could be anywhere from a monetary fine to imprisonment.

Only a small percentage of offenders are found guilty of childhood abuse in a criminal court. Again, mostly due to the historic nature due to the length of time it takes victims to disclose their abuse resulting in little to no evidence that would require the proof to be ‘Beyond Reasonable Doubt’.

Similar fact evidence can sometimes swing those scales in favour of the victims should enough victims come forward with very similar facts. This is another reason why it is so important to, at the very least, have your offender listed as a ‘Person of Interest’ in a Police Report. If enough victims come forward with similar facts, there is more chance an offender will be brought to justice and other children will be spared the same abuse.

There is no doubt that getting a guilty verdict can feel like it is an impossible feat. But don’t underestimate that offenders can sometimes feel remorse and a good Police Detective might be able to secure a confession. Police will not take a charge to court unless they believe they have a ‘prima facie’ case that has sufficient evidence for a guilty conviction.

Obviously, a criminal charge can only be brought to the courts on an offender that is still alive.

Civil

The change in legislation for victims of Institutional Abuse following the Royal Commission was gratefully welcomed and initially very empowering for the survivors. The thought of justice finally being served meant that survivors could bring order to their lives after decades of only silence and chaos. But….. before you go out and contact your local litigant lawyer, be sure you know what you are in for!

Some Survivors wish they had never begun civil legal proceedings. It is often over 4-5 years before you even get to trial in Western Australia.

You can be re-traumatised every step of the way. Providing statements, financial accounts, more statements, psychological evaluations, more statements, forensic accountants, another psychological evaluation but this time from the defense psychiatrist, constant correspondence from your lawyer, IF they are any good. And when you finally get to your first mediation, the defense is adversarial, trying to discredit you and offers a tenth of what you are entitled to. You question whether you should just accept the ridiculous offer because that is all you are worth after 2 years of sleepless nights after being re-traumatised through every statement, psych evaluation and worry. If you have the strength and fortitude to decline the unreasonable offers at this first mediation then the fun really begins… Another 18 months till the trial date. This stress of trial is hanging over your head constantly like a dark cloud. More ridiculous offers from the defense then countless hours of Trial preparation and you are constantly reliving the nightmare. Shall we start on the circus they call the trial.…. You get the idea.

What do you get out of it once the lawyers and barristers get their cut, the $20,000 in psychological evaluations and forensic accountants, court costs and the list goes on. That’s the million-dollar question. You could end up with a million in your pocket or $40,000 in debt for out-of-pocket expenses called disbursements the lawyers can charge, even if it is ‘no win, no fee’ if you lose. The variables are endless and any lawyer that guarantees what you will get at the end, is playing you and simply trying to sign you up.

The lawyers for the offender (the defense) plays the long game. They’ll drag it out and ask for more information in the hope that you will cave in. They know you are vulnerable, naive in the way of the court system and there is no incentive for the defense to settle early. So many survivors quit as early as possible. The defense’s game is to reduce their clients liability as much as possible and defense lawyers are excellent players at this game. Make sure your lawyer is better!!!

Many Survivors of childhood abuse struggle in getting ahead in this life and struggle in life in general. The opportunity of obtaining financial compensation is not out of greed but simply compensation for what the institutions took away from them. Unfortunately for many survivors, a million dollars in compensation wouldn’t even come close to what they have lost as a result of their childhood abuse.

To litigate or not to litigate depends on your ability to deal with the stress and what you are hoping to get out of it. For many, the fight was worth it just to get the opportunity to be heard. By no means is this to discourage anyone from seeking justice through the civil courts but forewarned is forearmed.

Many people find that by hanging in there and ultimately 'winning', they reclaim the power that was stolen from them as a child. They shift the power balance and achieve some proper accountability and justice. This can be very empowering and healing.

On the one hand there is your truth and reality. Hideous sex crimes committed against you as a child and terrible impacts on you and your life. Way over on the other hand there is the law. The law is limiting and clinical and cold. One does not receive compensation per se for the crimes committed against you, rather for the effects and impacts on you such as your education, your work and career and interpersonal relationships. Some people manage a very successful working life and others don't. These are the factors that the law takes into account in your compensation claim.

A pitfall to watch out for are unscrupulous and dodgy lawyers claiming to be experts in child abuse cases. Some of the big law firms load their lawyers up with a hundred or more cases, consequently, they don’t give your case the attention it deserves. Some lawyers will do minimal work and recommend you settle at the first opportunity and charge you exorbitant fees. It seems that you need legal advice for your legal advice. The ‘no win no fee’ law firms are also gambling that you win. They are footing the bill for all expenses and investing in your case. Understandably, they compensate for that by charging an insane amount of money.

There are a few law firms that our survivors recommend from personal experience and we are happy to pass on their recommendations. At no point does SOCA receive any financial assistance from any law firm. We have been made aware that victim harvesting has occurred in other states with other support services. At SOCA, we are proud to have declined offers of financial benefit from lawyers to ensure integrity of our service.

Redress

The National Redress Scheme (NRS) was set up in response to the Royal Commission into institutional Abuse. An institution includes schools, churches, orphanages, children’s homes, religious organisations, hospitals, sporting clubs foster care or other institutions. Many institutions have joined the Redress scheme but not all. You can check to see if your institution has signed up by clicking here .

The redress scheme can offer you;

Redress payment
Acknowledgment of your abuse
A personal and direct response from the institution
Counselling

Redress payments can be from $10,000 to $150,000 depending on what happened to you and the effect on your life.

For many, redress has been a better option due to the lower level of proof needed and being able to access some form of justice, acknowledgment and support without the need to go through a long, drawn out, rigorous and re-traumatising court case where a much higher burden of proof is required.

The limitations for redress are.

The likelihood of a significant reduction in the level of financial compensation when compared to civil litigation.
You will be required to sign a ‘deed of release’ once you sign up for redress. Which means there is no future option for civil litigation. However, Criminal charges can still be laid against an individual offender.
The time it takes to finalise redress can still take up to 12months and in some cases longer.

If you are looking for free and independent legal advice about the National Redress Scheme. Visit Knowmore which is funded by the Commonwealth Government specifically to assist survivors of institutional abuse.

Whichever your choice of justice. Think over each option carefully. Survivors can react impulsively. Every option has the potential to be traumatic but also has the potential to be healing too. For some, the true impacts of their child abuse is not realized until many years after the abuse or many years even after disclosure. One thing is certain and that is child abuse can have a profound and long lasting impact on victims lives.

How to find the right therapist and therapy

Sat, 10 Jun 2023 15:34:06 GMT

How to find a therapist can be trial and error. Half the battle is finding someone that you can relate to and that they can relate to you. Many people give up on ever going to a therapist again after their first session and lose faith in the process. Especially for men, even accepting that they might need help is a huge step. You might think you can sort it out yourself, but you wouldn’t do surgery on yourself so why should this be any different? After all, this is an injury you sustained as a kid and the sooner you get proper help, the sooner you can take control of your life again.

If you are a victim of sexual abuse, the Sexual Assault Referal Centre SARC provides free counseling and specialise in this area Sexual Assault Resource Centre (SARC) (healthywa.wa.gov.au)

Try and understand what therapy you might need. Most therapists generally only specialise in a couple of therapy modes. There are dozens of different modes of therapy. Some are specific to a disorder the therapist specialises in. There are some that have better efficacy for dealing with childhood abuse.

What kind of therapists are out there?

What kind of psychological modes of therapy are available?

Here is a snapshot of some of the different psychological modes of therapy available .

There are dozens of other types of therapies available. It is about finding the one that works for you.

For more information, search the psychological society of Australia: https://psychology.org.au/find-a-psychologist

Toolbox of things you can do to help yourself

ablazemarketing@iinet.net.au (Camelia Popescu) — Sat, 03 Jun 2023 14:58:36 GMT

There are many proven tips that can help you through the daily pressures of life and being a survivor of child abuse.

Everyone responds differently to trauma and different methods to deal with those responses work better for some and not others. Some methods might not work today but may work amazing tomorrow. The idea is to have as many tools in your toolbox as possible to get the job done.

Like a standard tool box has the staple screwdrivers, hammer, spanners, chisels. The stable tool box for your mental wellbeing should include;

Add to your toolbox when you find something that works for you.

Mindfulness

One of the most effective tools in your toolbox to deal with life’s stressors from mild to extreme, is Mindfulness. It is especially useful for anxiety disorders including PTSD.

It is about being aware of yourself in the ‘here and now’. Ultimately, it is about your 5 senses – what you can see, touch, hear, smell, and taste. It is so simple and yet the most effective way to manage difficult emotions and situations.

There are many techniques used and the more it is practiced, the easier it is to use in those times of extreme distress and the more effective it can be.

Step 1: Just breathe! There are all kinds of breathing exercises. But lets just keep it simple here. Breath in for a count of 4, hold your breath for a count of 4 then breath out for a count of 4 and hold for 4….. now repeat before you pass out ��. This is the essence of life, let’s not take this simple but effective step for granted.

Step 2: the 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 method. Notice:

5 things you can see. This helps you focus where you are and your surroundings.
4 things you can touch. Another great way to ground yourself. It could be your jeans, the watch on your arm, your water bottle. Notice what the texture is like and the temperature.
3 sounds you can hear. Try and isolate the sounds from your environment, take notice the quieter sounds if you can.
2 things you can smell. Don’t forget that you can add smells to the situation like a perfume or food if you are struggling with what’s on offer,
1 thing you can taste. This can be tricky at first, but you might taste the lingering chocolate or coffee, maybe consider having a mint or some gum. And don’t forget to keep breathing especially focusing on the out breath.

Step 3: The Body scan

Slowly conduct a systematic mental scan of your body from the bottom of your feet all the way to the top of your head. Take notice of any tension, pain or sensations. Continue to breathe throughout the scan and if you come across a part of your body that is tense, on your outward breath, try and relax that area of your body that is tense.

Step 4: Gratitude

Think of 3 things you are grateful for (better still, write them down). It could be a person, an event, a situation or anything that you appreciate and are grateful for. Negative thoughts can quickly change to positive when you are grateful. Take nothing for granted. Ordinary life can actually be an extraordinary experience, it is all about your perspective. The simple warmth from the sun or the sounds of nature can bring us great joy if we only stop, acknowledge and appreciate it. So simple yet so effective.

There are many different mindfulness exercises out there but like everything, it needs to be practiced. Another form of mindfulness is Yoga.

Sleep, Sleep Quantity and Sleep Quality

One of the most important tools in ensuring you have positive mental and physical health is to give yourself a non-negotiable opportunity for 8 hours sleep every night.

Not only is the quantity of sleep important, but the quality of sleep is equally important. The science is very clear on the importance of sleep. It helps with every aspect of mental cognition, emotional stability and physical wellbeing.

Some simple tips to give you a better night sleep

18 degrees is the optimal room temperature for sleeping.

Daylight, the blue light from mobile phones and types of artificial household lights (‘white light’ and ‘daylight’) can stop your body from preparing for sleep and producing melatonin. It tricks your body that it is still daytime. So turn on your blue light filter on your phone, swap out your household lights to ‘warm lights’ and limit as much blue light as possible.
A standard coffee has a half life of 8 hours. Consider not having any caffeine after midday.
Alcohol and drugs can play havoc on your sleep quality and can inhibit your ability to have REM sleep which is like the minds filing cabinet of all conscious and subconscious thoughts. Try and go to sleep without any substance in your system.
Your body has a natural circadian rhythm. Try and go to bed at the same time every night and wake at the same time.
To keep that circadian rhythm healthy, make sure you get plenty of daylight during the day. It keeps you more alert during the day and improves your sleep quality and helps you get off to sleep too.
Up to 30 minutes of daytime napping can have great benefits on mind and body, but more than that can impact your sleep at night. So try and limit your nap time.
Give yourself at least 2 hours to digest your dinner before heading to bed and don’t go to bed hungry either. Find that happy medium.
Have yourself a hot bath or shower before bed. Not only is this relaxing but it also regulates body temperature ideal for sleeping.
Exercise has many positive effects on our body including sleep. Just not directly before sleeping. Give yourself 2 – 3 hours between exercise and sleep.
Limit the amount of fluids you drink 1-2 hours before bed to reduce your need to go to the toilet during the night.
Relax before bed. Read or listen to music, give your mind time to wind down and switch off.

Sleep medications can have adverse effects on sleep and do not replicate the sleep quality your mind and body needs.

If these tips don’t help, head to a sleep clinic to get some answers.

Regular Exercise

Often the last thing you want to do when you are feeling depressed is to do any exercise. And yet, it is the one thing that will get you out of that hole and chase that black dog away.

There is countless literature about how 30 minutes of exercise a day can assist with most ailments and prevent heart disease, cancers, diabetes and many more, but none more than giving you a healthier state of mind.

Start slow and build up.

Start with a simple stroll down to your nearest street corner. Keep your head up, shoulders back and breathe. The next day, go that little bit further. Be mindful how good it feels just to get out and walk. Don’t forget to keep your head up, shoulders back and breathe. Each day, do the same or a little more to build up to at least 30 minutes. Don’t beat yourself up if you miss a day or a week, simply go the next day. You can do this. The longer you persist with it, the better chance that it will end up being a habit that is really good for you.

If you find that you can’t motivate yourself, ask the help of a friend or get involved in a community walking group or get yourself a fitness instructor.

Journaling

Dear diary, today my mind is foggy and I don’t seem to find anything that gives me pleasure and everyone is annoying me. I think it’s because I drank too much on the weekend, it was good at the time but now I just feel depressed. I know tomorrow I’ll feel better, I just need a good night sleep and I’ll go for a walk tomorrow. Why did I write myself off again? I was really stressed by John and what he did. I am grateful for my best friend; I know he understands me.

Journalling can have an empowering and enlightening influence through your journey of living with childhood trauma. This is not just for teenage girls writing about boys. But for Men too if they want to make real and positive impacts on their lives after dealing with trauma.

Don’t write as if someone else is going to read it, Write for YOU only. There is no right or wrong way to journal. You can write about whatever you are thinking about at the time or a problem you want to solve or understand. You are more insightful than you think.

We can often have intrusive thoughts floating around our mind with no closure. Journalling can put some of those thoughts to bed or understand why we are feeling a certain way.

A handy tip is to always finish by writing 3 things you are grateful for, a positive aspect of your life, an interaction, event or person. It is amazing how it can change you view on life for the positive.

Writing and seeing our thoughts, concerns, emotions in black and white can provide us with a level of self-discovery that cannot be otherwise achieved. Just try it. You will be blown away.

What if my mate or loved one is a child abuse survivor?

Sat, 03 Jun 2023 14:34:49 GMT

How do you support a friend or loved one that is an adult survivor of child abuse?

Simply being there for them without judgement can be the most powerful support you can give a survivor. Your role is not to ‘fix’ them even though it might be in your nature to be that way.

A survivor can become angry, irritable, depressed or anxious. Avoidance and withdrawal can also be part of the disorder. Give space and understanding. But never allow physical or emotional abuse on you to be an excuse of his trauma.

Listen when they want to talk and just as important, give them space. Don’t force them to talk, especially about the trauma. Communication here is the key. Encourage him to communicate what he needs. Simply let him know you are there for him when he needs it. It doesn’t hurt to sometimes just check in with them ask them if they want to talk. Men think that they can go it alone! But we all need a little help sometimes.

Educate yourself on the impacts child abuse can have on men so you can understand what he may be going through. Remember that you are not responsible for him or the choices he makes.

You are important and can play an integral part in the healing simply by having a positive relationship that involves mutual trust and respect.

Don’t forget that you need to care for yourself too. It can be painful to hear of the trauma he suffered or his reactions to it. Seek help if you need it. Your welfare takes priority!

Contact us if you would like to be connected with other supporters of survivors.

Are you a Victim or Survivor?

Sat, 03 Jun 2023 14:29:12 GMT

Victim or survivor…. It is just a state of mind. A victim can be defined by the harm that has occurred to them and a Survivor is defined by their life afterwards. You were a victim of childhood abuse and you survived it. Our aim is to now help you to thrive from it!

Whatever you choose to identify as is up to you. Understand that your mindset can set you back in being the best man you can be.

Playing the victim can stunt your growth! Emotional and mental growth that is. It maybe a coping mechanism but it is also doing you harm. Always blaming others for your life never gives you the opportunity to grow.

Don’t make excuses for your life, actions or behavior because of your childhood abuse. You have a right to feel the way you do because of what happened to you. But you need to take responsibility for your own actions and behaviors too. Your childhood abuse is not a justification for you acting like a douchebag.

Just because you are a victim, it does not void you of responsibility. Yes, shitty things happened to you and happens to everyone. Some worse than others. At some point we all fall down, it’s how we pull ourselves back up that measures a man.

Playing a victim can also be sympathy seeking, ‘Woe is me, look at my awful life’. Try some gratitude work. You might realise how good your life really is. Don’t let the trauma define who you are.

Playing the victim and sympathy seeking can also be a way of manipulating people to ‘let you off the hook’ or getting their attention.

For many people that play the victim, they have no idea that they are even doing it and it can be difficult mindset to change.

This is not to deflect the responsibility of your perpetrator, absolutely not! They are holey responsible for their actions upon you. Just as you are responsible for your own actions.

socasupport

A LOUD Fence for Justice and Support

LOUD FENCE: Tying Ribbons, Demanding Justice

LOUD FENCE: Tying Ribbons, Demanding Justice

Why Are We Doing This?

This Isn’t Just About the Past — It’s About Our Future

What Needs to Happen — NOW

Your Voice Matters

Myths and Facts

If I’m a victim then I’ll be an abuser.

What if I am gay because I was sexually abused

All abusers are male

I got aroused, I must have liked it

My offender must have been gay

Trauma and PTSD. What the hell is it and how does it affect adults of childhood abuse?

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder PTSD is a mental health condition that is triggered by a traumatic event. Signs and symptoms can follow immediately following the traumatic event or can lay dormant for years after.

Only a psychologist or psychiatrist can diagnose PTSD.

Alcohol and Substance Abuse

I know you don’t want to hear it. But alcohol and drugs are probably making your ability to deal with the trauma worse.

Relationships. How do I trust again or let people in?

It is important to protect yourself from untrustworthy people. It is equally important to learn to open up and trust the good people too. Remember, It was not trusting someone that led to your abuse but the misuse of that trust.

How do I trust again or let people in?

Criminal, Civil or Redress?

One of the reasons why childhood abuse has become such an epidemic is because of the lack of accountability and justice to the perpetrators. Mostly due to the length of time it takes victims to disclose the abuse with many victims never disclosing.

Criminal

Civil

Redress

How to find the right therapist and therapy

What kind of therapists are out there?

What kind of psychological modes of therapy are available?

Toolbox of things you can do to help yourself

There are many proven tips that can help you through the daily pressures of life and being a survivor of child abuse.

Everyone responds differently to trauma and different methods to deal with those responses work better for some and not others. Some methods might not work today but may work amazing tomorrow. The idea is to have as many tools in your toolbox as possible to get the job done.

Mindfulness

Sleep, Sleep Quantity and Sleep Quality

Regular Exercise

Journaling

What if my mate or loved one is a child abuse survivor?

How do you support a friend or loved one that is an adult survivor of child abuse?

Simply being there for them without judgement can be the most powerful support you can give a survivor. Your role is not to ‘fix’ them even though it might be in your nature to be that way.

A survivor can become angry, irritable, depressed or anxious. Avoidance and withdrawal can also be part of the disorder. Give space and understanding. But never allow physical or emotional abuse on you to be an excuse of his trauma.

Contact us if you would like to be connected with other supporters of survivors.

Are you a Victim or Survivor?

Victim or survivor…. It is just a state of mind. A victim can be defined by the harm that has occurred to them and a Survivor is defined by their life afterwards. You were a victim of childhood abuse and you survived it. Our aim is to now help you to thrive from it!

Whatever you choose to identify as is up to you. Understand that your mindset can set you back in being the best man you can be.

Playing the victim can stunt your growth! Emotional and mental growth that is. It maybe a coping mechanism but it is also doing you harm. Always blaming others for your life never gives you the opportunity to grow.

Start by acknowledging that you are playing the victim.

Own your faults and make positive change to become a better man.